The Lucky Finn

April 20th 2015
Tips on how to be cool in school Part Deux!

Crutches: So it was Thursday night, I was training with my GAA club and everything was going smoothly. It was a lovely evening, the sun was out the ground was hard and we were getting through a tough session of minor torture. The last activity of the evening was a short game of backs and forwards to cap things off. That’s when it happened, I went to challenge for the ball on the ground with one of the lads who has the footballing ability of a giraffe and then bam! I went over the clumsy animals’ stray foot like a tonne of bricks which left me in agony on the ground with an ankle that resembled a bowling ball. So the damage was done and I was told by the club physio to go on crutches for the next couple of days until the swelling goes down. 

It is always important to make the best of a bad situation and no matter what always remain cool which is the avenue I chose to take. I decided to bring one crutch into school with me rather than two because I wanted to be a hipster and using two crutches is too mainstream.

Here are 5 reasons how being on crutches can be beneficial to you in St. Brendans as I found out yesterday.

1)   You look like a Warrior:

When you are on crutches you look like you have been through a scene of Gladiator with Russel Crowe but are lucky enough to be able to tell the tale. You look battle hardened and nobody wants to mess with you in fear of receiving a similar fate.

2)   People feel sorry for you:

I have never received as much attention from fellow teachers and the students as I did for the entire day on the crutch. I did not have to answer one phone, make one cup of tea or answer the door in the staffroom at any point throughout the day (which is always quite annoying) The words “Let me get that for you, you relax there” were like music to my ears as I sat in the same spot all day “recovering” One student even offered to carry my bag for me, which was very out of character.

3)   The crutch can be construed as a weapon:

In the unlikely event of an intrusion in the school such as a robbery or terrorist attack having a crutch on your person can be very beneficial and can be the difference between life and death. Who would come near a guy swinging a crutch around like a lunatic? I wouldn’t and I don’t think Bin Laden would either.

4)   Stair:

Going up and down stairs on crutches can be great craic. Try it!

5)   Projector:

The struggle of turning the classroom projector on and off is a thing of the past when you have a crutch at your disposal. It doubles as an extension unit which can be used for getting to those hard to reach places in everyday life.

Crutches don’t have to be a hinderance - they can be cool too!

April 13th 2015

Tips on how to be cool in school!

Sunglasses: So lads, we are coming into the sunny weather and I love it! The winter is a distant memory, the clocks have gone forward and we are coming into the last term of the school year! I realised that summer was upon us when I whipped my Ray Bans out of the drawer for the first time last week and man it felt good! 

It was last Thursday and the sun was beating out of the sky, I walked in to school singing the usual Uptown Funk or a bit of Taylor Swift to kick start the day and I was greeted in the staff room with laughter and a bit of slagging “Here comes Bruno Mars”. At 11 o'clock I was taking a PE class with Mr. Connaughton and he called me Maverick, a couple of the TYs compared me to the Notorious Conor McGregor and someone even mentioned Stevie Wonder! Truth is, I wasn’t wearing sunglasses to be compared to any of these people I was clearly wearing them because they protect my eyes from those harmful UV rays…….aaaaaaaand they look incredibly, ridiculously exceptionally cool ! In the words of your man from Outkast “What's cooler than being cool? ICE COLD!”

Well, sunglasses make me feel ice cold. So try it this summer lads, there are many shapes, sizes and colours. Get yourselves a pair for a tenner, find a sunny place (be adventurous and try somewhere other than Bray seafront), throw them on and sit back and enjoy the view from behind that tinted lens.

Sunglasses make our misshapen Brendan’s heads appear 50% better with them on and the world looks 100% better through them. Give it a lash!